Monday, October 27, 2008

It's o.k. not to be so happy all the time

More power to all the people out there that see the positive outlook on the world. Sometimes I want to vomit! Seriously, can't you just be angry if something goes wrong, or let us know that your spouse yelled at you for doing something stupid, or just tell us if your having a bad day instead of trying to hide behind a fake smile!

AHHHH! Life is absolutely insane right now raising the boys practically on my own with no help, on top of working 40+ hours a week trying to balance my job, my ex boss' job, and then some. I don't get any additional help from anyone, and I feel like everyone avoids me like the plague because I'm just full of baggage.

If only anyone else knew what it is like to have a husband who works 70 hours a week, goes to school two nights a week, studies on the weekends, on top of having two small children to raise, feed, clean up after, play with, smile with, and try to make them feel loved even though you don't feel so loving.

And nobody really knows what our marriage is like. I'm surprised we made it this far. I feel like I'm stuck because I'm not financially stable enough to do it on my own, so I have to stick around and try to deal with all the negative energy, tiredness and unwillingness to help maintain our home, boys, etc.

Just venting because I have nobody to talk to that really understands. I must be a bad wife and mother because my strength is diminishing my the minute and I don't know how much longer I'm going to last. But until then......