Monday, October 27, 2008

It's o.k. not to be so happy all the time

More power to all the people out there that see the positive outlook on the world. Sometimes I want to vomit! Seriously, can't you just be angry if something goes wrong, or let us know that your spouse yelled at you for doing something stupid, or just tell us if your having a bad day instead of trying to hide behind a fake smile!

AHHHH! Life is absolutely insane right now raising the boys practically on my own with no help, on top of working 40+ hours a week trying to balance my job, my ex boss' job, and then some. I don't get any additional help from anyone, and I feel like everyone avoids me like the plague because I'm just full of baggage.

If only anyone else knew what it is like to have a husband who works 70 hours a week, goes to school two nights a week, studies on the weekends, on top of having two small children to raise, feed, clean up after, play with, smile with, and try to make them feel loved even though you don't feel so loving.

And nobody really knows what our marriage is like. I'm surprised we made it this far. I feel like I'm stuck because I'm not financially stable enough to do it on my own, so I have to stick around and try to deal with all the negative energy, tiredness and unwillingness to help maintain our home, boys, etc.

Just venting because I have nobody to talk to that really understands. I must be a bad wife and mother because my strength is diminishing my the minute and I don't know how much longer I'm going to last. But until then......


ObfusK8 said...

I don't get to your blog often, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I posted something very similar recently, but it's so much more difficult for you with your boys being so young. Marriage is hard work and nobody likes to say that but it is. I hope and pray that y'all can get some balance in your life. You have so much going on and I can't imagine the stress you're having. Good luck and hug those sweet boys for me!
Cousin Kathleen

O&Ls Grammy said...

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything perfect for you! I know you have the strength, wisdom and yes, patience to deal with everything that's thrown at you. I'm so proud of all that you do and am in awe of what a beautiful daughter, mother, wife and sister you are. Keep your head up and know that you have lots of people who love and support you always even though we may not be there for you 24/7. Nobody loves you like your Mommy!

Lauren said...

thanks you two! It means a lot. I'll be the first to admit that things aren't easy. I love you both. thanks for commenting